thought.

today i see someone that looks like you, it makes me remember the times we've been going through together, I'm standing still with a lot of memories we've been made together in a 4 months. I'm still wondering if you ever going to text me back again and asking me to cheer you up after you had a bad day at your school, it's not that I'm saying i want you to have a bad day tho, i always wish the best for you. sometimes i even read through our chat like it was just yesterday, waiting for our next hangout like the usual, I'm always feeling so happy when I'm near you, even on the last hangout, i never say goodbye to you, it's always "see you tomorrow" without knowing that will be the last day we get in contact. you probably will laugh at me if you see this and told me that I'm being too dramatic writing this all about you, but just know that my days is literally change 180° when i see you, i forgot about all of my tiredness when i see your smile, i always though that I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have your heart, you got a lot of guy who want to be with you too and they're always better than me in every ways, always told myself that I'm not deserve you and I'm restraining you to be with me, i can't buy you the cute clothes you always wanted, takes you to the park in the city, or just gives you a comfortable feeling when riding my bike even though you say that you like my old bike, probably to not make me feels embarrassed or jealous on others bikes. now that you're not here with me anymore i can only talk to myself with a thought that you still in here with me, now you got a new boyfriend that is more handsome and richer than me, i heard he is also an athlete in volleyball. once i try to pass on the usual park we always come to and i Saw you with him, giving him the brightest smile I've ever seen even when you were with me, the smile of joy and happiness, I've stared at you drowning in my though and with the sudden pain in my heart, i gritting my teeth trying to not cry when i see your eyes looking so excited while talking to him, i know that eyes, the look of someone who is in love, the eye look you never gave me before, i can't hold it anymore and started crying on the way home, leaving you there with your new lover, it should be me who is there with you, I'm really jealous of him on how handsome he looks, the kind of looks that will boost your confidence. that memory still stick in my mind until now, I'm still blaming myself to born ugly, to have a black skin, and to be fat. I've tried to end myself, hoping that there will be next lives and i Will born good looking. it's crazy right? that is how deeply I'm in love with you. even now, i still can't moving on from you, the person that heal me and bring me to the best version of me and also the same person that destroy it all in 3 simple words.